God didn’t just wink, He called me by NAME

Okay. You probably know that I love to be called ‘Claire Lillian.’ I mean, I named my blog that and I address all of my letters that way. But the only people who consistently call me ‘Claire Lillian’ are my Great Aunts. They call me this because ‘Lillian’ is my great-grandmother’s name, their sister. So when they address me by this, I feel especially loved.

Anyways, let me continue the story from the blog before:

We said our goodbyes…yada yada….

We are driving away in the car ready to go to our week-long ‘Wrap-Up’ retreat. I am looking out the window, crying. A classic scene. Everyone in the car is solemn. The only sounds are sobs. I could have been wailing but I realized how awkward it was already for everyone. Sometimes I would make eye contact with someone and burst into laughter despite crying. My laughter was recognition of the awkwardness, but also a way to slightly wail through the laughter.

Anyways, we stop at a gas station to potty and gas up. I see that outside the sliding doors, there are potted flowers for sale. I see a rose bush with the most beautiful rose. I get the impulse “Go smell it!” I unbuckle and get out of the door and approach the rose and smell it. Wow. It was such a beautiful white rose in full bloom with a slightly pink middle. I smelled it and it had a beautiful fragrance. Ahhhhhhh. I look at the tag. And guess what it says? Clair Liliana. What? That is literally my name. I mean, not LITERALLY my name, but literally my name. What? Thank you, God.

The gas clerk, our boy, Millie, saw me smelling it and says “Oh! I saw you likey da roses!! Here-a have dis!!” And hands me Cadbury chocolate roses. I told him how the rose was named after me and he gave me the tag to keep for myself.

We drove off and I contemplated this:

Wow. This rose represents ME. I have been doing ministry and allowing people into my heart and giving and serving and sacrificing so much until it hurts. But I am doing it for God’s Kingdom, so it is all worth it. To show His appreciation, God gave me this rose, and called me by name. He is telling me that my fragrance draws people in. I am beautiful. I am in full bloom. Even though it hurts, no, because it hurts, I am in full bloom. I have given everything for God and He says ‘Thank you.’

This was one way to bring a smile to my face amongst my heart feeling like it was literally tearing in two. Thank YOU, God.