Mission Recap

How do I begin to unpack everything that I have learned from my mission? In the past three months, the Lord has allowed me to grow so much. I will share the main 3 ways in which I have really grown:

1) Capacity to Love

2) Administration

3) Trust in God

1) Capacity to Love

The Lord has really opened up my heart. I didn’t realize I was going into ministry with a hardened heart until my heart was softened. At the beginning of the year, I was completely honest with my sisterhood (the women on my team) and told them that it is hard for me to be vulnerable because I see it as a sign of weakness. I never really cry and that is because I avoid feeling deeply.

This was something that I knew about myself, and even though I wanted it to be different, I didn't know how to actually change. You can’t just flip a switch. What it took was first receiving their hearts. From their example, I was able to give them bits and pieces of my heart until they had seen me for who I was. It was beautiful to be so vulnerable and to allow them to see my deep feelings. Once I started to feel more comfortable, conversations got so much deeper and more meaningful.

I first allowed my sisterhood to see this part of me, and then opened up more to the team. As a team, we were having team prayer which was praise and worship. I looked around at each member of the team and realized how much I loved each individual person. I loved them so much. After living with them, I can say that I know them. I know their quirks, their fears, their mood without coffee, how to make them laugh, what each look means across the dinner table, their morning routines, their favorite Bible verses, their favorite socks, and the stories behind scars. I know so much about them - even the desires of their hearts. How beautiful.

I also knew that they went through 6 months of waiting but stuck it through. They were so conscious of God’s will and recognized each other’s perseverance to keep ourselves going. It was a mentality of “if they can do it, so can I”. It was a complete dying to self knowing that our reward would be so great. And THAT it was.

Anyways, as I was on the couch during praise and worship, all of this was running through my head. And I began to sob. I felt for them so deeply that I began to weep. I then began to wail. I love them so much. And then, I began to laugh. I was laughing so hard!! I was so full of love that I was feeling all of the emotions.

That was the moment when I completely let my team into my heart. I love them and I let them see that. And we all continued to praise with smiles shared in an understanding of mutual love. Praise God.

2) Administration

The second way in which God stretched me was my growth in administration. I truly believe that I am a leader, especially through my independence and confidence. I am a very ‘go with the flow' gal. I feel freedom in not knowing the time or having a schedule. And people are drawn to that and follow. But I have always known that I am not at all skilled in administration. As you know, I was one of the Team Leaders. And as a Team Leader, you have to schedule, delegate, hold meetings, know and stick to the time frames, and organize. And boy, was that tough. I was pushed SO FAR outside of my comfort zone to step into this role. It was very stressful and many times I broke down in tears. I always felt a heaviness in my chest and my shoulders were constantly tense. I would stay up late trying to get all of the details into the schedule. I would also wake up early to double-check everything. So I got little sleep, and STILL, I would fail to put something in the schedule or forget to allot enough time for travel. I was a mess. I always had to remind myself that everything was in God's hands and to not put too much pressure on myself. My team was also very good to me, wanting to take on more responsibilities. And Matt, the other Team Leader, always reminded me that he was right there with me to relieve some of the stress.

I was in fact hogging responsibilities and putting too much stress on myself and taking control of everything. Once I learned balance and to trust God, I felt more at ease.

Now, planning things doesn’t scare me. I have had so much practice that it is almost second nature to plan a youth group or a retreat. But I might not be on time because I definitely threw away my watch once we were done hehe.

3) Trust in God

The last thing I learned was to trust God. I mean considering I am a bit of a control freak, especially in leadership roles, it is hard to completely give everything to God. But, I am really learning. In ministry, I have heard so many beautiful stories of what happens when you trust in God. Let me tell you this one story that really changed my perspective:

There was a couple who told my team about their story - let’s call them Anne and Greg.

It was incredible. They had been dating and were completely in love, but Anne was completely trusting God to guide her toward her vocation. She told God “if it is your will, let it be done.”

After the two had a talk of engagement, she said that she still wasn’t sure if it was God’s will, despite wanting to elope of her own will. She said that she needed 6 months to hear an answer from God. Anne also has a beautiful devotion to Mary. As a little girl, her family would always go to Medjugorje where she felt the closest to Mary. In prayer, she went to Our Lady and said “in 6 months, I want to know if I am supposed to marry this man.”

In another prayer, she went out on a whim and asked Our Lady a big favor. She asked Our Lady to allow an opportunity to go to Medjugorje with Greg on Divine Mercy Sunday. How specific?! That was near impossible because of both their work schedules and financial cost.

Anne continues to pray for these 2 things but didn't tell anyone about her prayer because she didn’t want anyone to influence her. She just wanted to trust God and Our Lady.

Let’s now hear from Greg’s perspective. Remember how the couple talked about engagement? Well, Greg was confident that she would say ‘yes’, considering that’s what couples do who are in love. So he had already purchased a ring. But, when Anne told him that she wasn't ready, he canceled the ring in sadness.

Fast Forward 5 months and Anne gets a call from her aunt saying that she bought 2 plane tickets to Medjugorje for Anne and Greg to go in a month, on DIVINE MERCY SUNDAY. How crazy?! One of her prayers was answered!!

Anne calls Greg with this great news!! And Greg holds back other news. Turns out Greg just got off the phone call with the jewelers saying that the engagement ring had JUST ARRIVED. How could that be possible? He canceled the ring? Well turns out, it was canceled from the jewelers, but not from the warehouse, so it still got shipped and delivered. He didn’t know what to do with the ring considering Anne’s previous response to the engagement.

So the question was whether or not Greg would propose to her considering he had the ring. He wanted to respect her wish to wait 6 months but didn’t remember when that was said. Well, he thought that he would just go on a limb and propose at Medjugorje. It was always his dream to propose to her there knowing that Anne loved it there and now the opportunity came up obviously by Our Lady. Was Our Lady also giving Greg an opportunity?

But the issue was getting work off to go to Medjugorje. So Anne and Greg called their workplaces. Anne was able to use her last vacation days, so she easily got the days off. Greg’s workplace was the real concern. He was nervous to call considering how last minute it was. Turns out, his office was having renovations and was going to ask the employers to take off work. So he was already given those days off. Pshhh God Wink!

The trip finally came, and they flew to Medjugorje. Anne didn’t know that Greg was going to propose, and he didn’t know if she was ready, but as he got down on one knee at Apporotion Hill, Anne felt so much peace seeing Greg there before her. She knew in her heart that it was right, so she said 'Yes!'

That night, Anne looked in her prayer journal and realized that exactly 6 months ago (to the day), Anne asked Our Lady to reveal if she were to marry Greg. And God alined everything - the plane tickets, the ring, the work schedules - to make it work for them. The fulfillment of her prayers and God‘s will came to fruition.

Every little loose end came together so perfectly and now the couple is engaged and happy. They have NO DOUBT that this is God’s will because God worked everything out FOR them.

So that is the story. That is the story that inspired me to put complete trust in God.

So that has been my experience. There is still much more that I learned and I believe I will spend the rest of my life debriefing my experience. I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with the grace to keep fighting the wait in the first 6 months. The reward was truly worth it. During the waiting, I told myself, “If I could go back, I wouldn’t do NET. The waiting is too hard.” But now, knowing the end, I would have waited years for those three months. Praise God.