A Moment of Doubt

People always say “God never gives us more than we can handle.” I don’t believe that is true.

I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. This is when we surrender to Him as He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives.

God does things that are crazy! When have you ever read a story of God’s great work that made a lot of sense? A story that didn’t seem over the top? Not often. Moses parted the Red Sea. Yes, split it in half so people could walk through it. Even Peter thought it would be crazy if he could walk out on the water to meet Jesus, but Jesus said “come”. How many people can say they lived in the belly of a whale? Probably just Jonah. These impossible things can happen just the same today if we carry deep trust that God can work miracles.

Last week, I had a moment where I broke down. Let me recreate the conversation:

“God. How can you do this to me? You called me to take off a year of my life — without college and without work — to serve you. Well where are the fruits? Why am I not in Ireland? I cannot just sit around all day and wait around for you to make up your mind. Alright God. If you are going to make me wait around for you, then I am going to give you a deadline. Huh? How do you feel about that?! Yeah, doesn’t feel good to be on someone else’s time, huh? If I don’t get accepted by Christmas, I am enrolling in classes for the spring semester. I will not wait around any longer and I will cancel my Ireland trip and refund my donors. So get moving, God!”

I told my supervisor that Christmas was my deadline, to give her a heads up. And then I pondered and prayed. And pondered some more. And prayed. And….hmmmm…. :

“Wow. I sound like a brat. That isn’t very appreciative of someone who died for me. God, you don’t owe me anything. I am the one that owes you everything. Hmmm. Okay, I messed up. Forgive me, God. I am trusting you. There is no way I can do this on my own, so grant me the graces to trust you.”

I want big things of God. For Him to work miracles in my life. Greatness comes with sacrifice. Right now, I am in a time of sacrifice and I just need to further my patience and trust to get to the great things God has in store for me. I can move mountains, but I can’t do it alone. I need God. I was carrying the mentality that God owed it to me to speed the process. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that we deserve a reward on the earth. No Bible verse says “work with all of your heart and God will provide you with a warm bath and a glass of wine.” No. Our reward is not on this earth. Our treasure is in Heaven. Our reward will be so great when we can feast and dance with the saints. But our time on earth is going to be full of so much suffering and hurt, but with his grace and love, if we look around, we can see all of the ways that God allows us to manage — through our friends, strong coffee, babies (oh yes, babies), and car rides blasting music. There is so much to be grateful for knowing that there is a PARTY waiting for us in Heaven!

So the fight goes onward!!

Also, THIS IS THE FIRST SNOW FALL!!!! SUPER STOKED!